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some more things

1. Amoeba re-opened a few weeks ago. Today I visited for the first time since early this year. I traded some stuff for store credit and walked out with these new acquisitions:

Ennio Morricone - "Peur Sur La Ville"

Thee Oh Sees / The Mallard - Split 7"

irr. app. (ext.) - " Cosmic Superimposition"

Monos - "Above the Sky"

Record Store Day was, in my opinion, pretty much a bust, this year. Thanks a lot, covidz. It was nice to be sifting through the bins, again. But it also felt weird. All the masks and plexi-glass shields. Man, I miss 2019--and every year before that.

2. I've been working regular days in my office since July. Just me and two bosses. Everyone else is working from home probably through the rest of the year. Sometimes the bosses don't even come in. And I like it that way. I feel like a caretaker in the Overlook Hotel. I enjoy the peace and the quiet and the emptiness. But I miss some of the pretty ladies with whom I had a rapport. I feel like a persistent ghost haunting a place everyone else had the good sense to abandon long ago.

3. The city seems so empty. Rent is plummeting--but still needs to drop a bit further before I can upgrade to my dream of a 1-bedroom. I'm at the point where I have to sell/trade records before I can purchase new acquisitions. This means I have to make hard decisions in my meager collection. I would love to have an extra room and spend the next 25 years thoughtlessly acquiring and storing anything that caught my fancy.

4. I'm currently engaged with a Philip K. Dick reading program. I purchased "The Exegesis" years ago with the intent of reading/re-reading the Valis trilogy and related materials. It goes something like this:

--"Radio Free Albemuth" - This was Dick's first attempt to wrestle in fiction with his 2-3-74 experiences. He worked on it for years but the publisher wasn't too keen on it. So he scrapped it and took the basic kernel of the book to produce "Valis". I'm currently re-reading my hardcover copy of Radio Free Albemuth which I purchased during a Modesto visit and read here in my first apartment in SF around 2000.

--"Valis" - I first read this in 1999 after finishing school and having a little breakdown and having to stay with my mother in Modesto for a few months. Mine was a first-edition mass-market paperback copy. I used to read this and drink beer in the bathtub and plot my way back to SF. i still have that copy, but it's in pretty bad shape. Just got a new copy.

--"The Divine Invasion" - Never read this. Looking forward to it.

--"The Transmigration of Timothy Archer"--I know I read this before. Maybe 10 years ago? I don't know what happened to my copy. Maybe I gave it away. Just got a new copy.

--"The Exegesis" - This is a collection of Phil's non-fiction writings trying to make sense of the events he experienced in early 1974. He references the Valis trilogy and his exploration of gnostic Christianity.

5. R. texted me out of the blue today. We went back and forth a little bit. It was nice and surprising to hear from her. She's always so busy with work and family, I kinda gave up. Just like I gave up on IL. I don't like to be a pest, so--if someone doesn't respond--I'll just fuck off and leave them alone.

In late afternoons I get so nostalgic and melancholy for R. and IL. and a few others I used to know. They've all grown and moved into new versions of themselves. And I'm still the same dumb ghost flitting through empty corridors of yesteryear.

6. I'm supposed to be detoxing. I started on Oct. 2 and lasted until the VP debate on Oct. 7. There's nothing like a couple of asshole politicians to make me cast aside sobriety. Jayzus! And today I decided to celebrate my new records with more embeveragement. I'll get back on track. My last detox lasted from late February until Memorial Day weekend. I lost 8 pounds during that time and decided to start drinking again to prevent my body from completely disappearing.

7. I wish I had never started writing. I took it very seriously in my 20's and 30's. I worked on poems and stories every day and sent out what I believed to be polished drafts to the small-press / university journals. Most of it was rightfully rejected. As i got older, I spent less time writing--not really wanting to spend that much time in my head. Then, when I met IL., I started again. I was very slow and tentative and never showed her anything I was writing about her. And I started another project, after the lockdown, building a landscape around a character inspired by my mother. It's just something I scratch at on days when there is nothing else for me to do at work. I'm not sure why I do it. All my dreams and ambitions are dead. But , for some reason, I keep at it.

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