1. I was startled, last week, to see an incoming phone call from my oldest sister, S.. We rarely talk, so I figured someone in the family was dead or dying. It was actually her husband, J., calling me. It takes that man twenty minutes to convey two minutes of information. He said that he and my sister were planning to visit my mother in Modesto, that weekend, and wanted to coordinate their visit with my visit. I had made no plans to visit, that weekend. He casually mentioned something about my mother recovering from her injuries, and I was all, "Whoah, hold on! What injuries???" My mother had apparently fallen while walking back from the supermarket and sustained some minor injuries. S. and J. had offered to visit her, that weekend. But she told them that I was already planning to come out and that she didn't have enough room in her apartment to host all three of us. I hadn't spoken with her in a couple months, so all this was news to me. And why was I hearing it from J.? Why didn't S. call me, regarding anything going on with our mother? I don't need to hear from that long-winded bore she married.

2. I called my mother, that evening. She told me about the accident and her injuries: black eyes, swollen lip, bloody nose, broken tooth. No one pushed her. She didn't trip over anything. She didn't remember falling forward. One moment, she was walking--next moment she was facedown and slowly rising back to her feet. I figured she must've passed out. But she claimed it was Satan bedevilling her and that demons have, for some time now, been harassing her. Satan and his minions tend to leave me alone, because I don't believe in them. My mother doesn't think that's very funny, but it's not really meant to be funny. My point is that, if you invite that kind of negative stuff into your head and dwell on it, it's all the more likely to have negative effects on your life. Anyhow, I thought she was supposed to be a Christian. What's the point of inviting Christ into your life, if you're going to be plagued by shadowy forces? Everyone experiences fortune and misfortune, but some religious people think that those experiences are signs of good and evil supernatural forces invading every facet of our day-to-day lives; that's actually the purpose of local, state, and federal governments--which, admittedly, are made up of demons (man-made, not supernatural). Thinking that God and Satan are interested in every little nook and cranny of your life is some serious ego-driven shit. Anyway, after she fell, some nice ladies pulled up in a van and asked if she wanted them to call an ambulance. She said no, she had to get home and get her groceries into the refrigerator. They were very nice and gave her a ride to her apartment.

3. Even though S. and J. have a car and live forty minutes from my mother, we all decided that it somehow made more sense for me to rent a car and drive ninety minutes from the Bay Area. Oh, well. I was long-overdue for a visit, anyway. "You were always her little favorite, anyway," S. said. I don't think that's true and thought it was kind of a rotten thing for her to say. I drove out there, Friday afternoon. The air quality was pretty bad with all the smoke blowing in from the wildfires up north. We sat, baking, in her apartment, with a box fan roaring and dirty air drifting through the screen door. She has air-conditioning, but rarely uses it. She is of that generation that is more comfortable suffering than being comfortable.

4. She did look pretty banged up. I had some reservations about appearing in public with her, fearing someone might have the police investigate us for elder abuse. She put some makeup on her bruises and wore her glasses with the big, thick frames. The injuries to her lip and nose could almost be mistaken for prolonged exposure to the sun. So, we went to some restaurants over the weekend. And I took her to the supermarket to stock up on enough groceries so that she wouldn't have to return for a while. That's about as much as she would let me help her. She has no doctor and no insurance. I brought her a file folder full of information about signing up for Medicare and local dentists and urgent care centers and home remedies for her aches and pains. But she showed little interest in any of it. That woman has never cared about anything I've had to say about anything; why would she start now? She rejects whatever aid I offer and instead is waiting for God to do everything.

5. She walked me out to the car, Sunday morning. I hugged her and told her to be careful next time walking to and from the store. She surprised me when she told me she intended to take the bus, next time. Her confidence must've really been shaken. She will sometimes use a taxi to get around town but has always rejected the idea of riding the city bus. I got into the car. My heart always breaks a little when I pull out of the car port and watch her slowly amble alone down the walkway to her apartment. I drive away feeling so powerless and dreading the future. Goddamn, this world will crush every heart into a fine, red powder.