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theresa's sound-world

1. My "Dirty" deluxe 4-LP box set arrived today. I found a very reasonably-priced copy at the SY store. I also decided to upgrade my copy of "Daydream Nation" to a remastered (but not deluxe) edition on vinyl. I really hope "EVOL" and "Sister" eventually get the remastered and deluxe treatments someday. My god, I've been listening to all that stuff for over twenty years--and it never gets old and never fails to run me over and delight the hell out of me.

2. I haven't had any contact with IL in about three months. In last night's dream, she was still living here in the city. I went to her apartment to give her a manuscript I had written. The door was open. There were all these unfamiliar people in the apartment. "Is IL around?" I asked.

"She met someone beautiful," her roommate said. "And decided to spend the whole day with him."

I was crushed. I felt like jumping from a high building and wondered if this building had rooftop access. Instead, I went back down to the street. The city was very crowded, lots of people clogging the sidewalks [my dreams rarely involve SF and feature few, if any, people]. I felt horrible and wandered the crowded sidewalks. I think I was half-hoping to find IL--but I suspected she and her new man had left town. I paused before a group of people dressed in black suits and black dresses filing into a church for a funeral. There were a few rows of pews set up under a canopy outside the church. A pretty, middle-aged Asian lady sat under the canopy and played very lovely violin for the mourners as they filed into the church. I felt terrible but decided to sit down near her and listen to her play.

I feel a lot better than I felt in the dream. My cynicism and skepticism help me successfully resist the occasional urge to reach out to IL. I may send her a note at Christmas. But I've pretty much let her, and everyone else, go. And, at this point, I'm okay with that.

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