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day 19

1. Okay, this is some bullshit. This marks Day 19 of my sobriety bender. The first fourteen days I noted a dramatic decrease in feelings of rage, anxiety, and depression. And I didn't really think about drinking. But, in the past week, I've found myself sinking into old head states. I try to fight them off with breathing/calming exercises. I was mentally preparing myself for the idea that I may want to continue this sobriety nonsense all the way through October. But, I don't know about that now. We'll see, I guess. On the plus side, my body is trimmer and my wallet is fatter. I've been drinking a lot more tea, juice, and water--but the amount I spend is nothing compared to what I would normally spend on beer, wine, and brandy. I suppose my neighborhood liquor stores are taking a severe economic hit. And I suppose my landlord is relieved, if not perplexed, by the lightness of our recycling bin when he takes it out to the street for the weekly pickup.

2. I visited my saucy haircut lady at her new shop in Noe Valley earlier this week. I told her about my detox experiment. Her next client arrived early and started pouring everyone glasses of whiskey. I regretfully declined. On the train ride back to my neighborhood, I sat near the door. There was a very heated confrontation between a middle-aged woman and some high school students. Curses flew back and forth as the woman exited the train at her stop. She threw an open container of beer at the kids. The beer went everywhere; some of it got on me. I almost felt like I was cheating.

3. In last night's dream, I forgot that I was detoxing and had bought beer. I had taken a few sips before I remembered that I wasn't supposed to drink. I felt like I had ruined everything.

4. Happy Birthday, John Coltrane. Amoeba is celebrating today by offering 20% off all Coltrane merchandise in their store. I have quite a bit of Coltrane in my collection. But, looking at the discography, I realized there were some holes to fill. I picked up "Black Pearls" and "Coltrane Jazz". I also grabbed Lee Ranaldo's "Electric Trim". And my "Rosemary's Baby" soundtrack arrived this week. Such a beauty on smoke-colored vinyl.

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