I was too young to understand but old enough to never forget. My father holding my hand as we watched the beheadings in the public square. I played alone in the desert, watching skeletons re-assemble over the abandoned airbase. Combing California beach town record stores for LP's by The Ventures, The Revels, and Billy Strange. Dark brown Thai girls taking off their dresses in a hotel room with a view of the freeway and the airport. I was told to wait by the escalator and the drinking fountain. I waited alone in sunlight with my headaches and nausea. I never belonged in this world. I went from being too young for the experiences I craved to being too old.