of rivers and religion
1) After all these months, I finally bought a display case for my father's interment flag. The case arrived at my office last Friday. The case is nice: dark cherry frame, glass front, and American-made. Usually I don't give a shit where a product is made, but it would bother me to store an American flag in a case made outside the US. I brought the case back to secret motel. I took the flag out of the plastic bag I'd kept it in since the day I brought it home in March. Looking at it kind of wrecked me for the rest of the weekend. I fit the flag into the case and put it in the closet. I eventually want to mount it on the wall. But it's too soon. Looking at it reminds me of everything I don't want to think about right now.
2. He appeared in one of my recent dreams. He looked about twenty years younger. He looked bigger. He was louder and more energetic. But in the dream he was dying. And I knew he had only a few weeks to live. He drove me around one of the old neighborhoods where we had lived. The air was a dusky blue color. He dropped me off near the elementary school I had attended for kindergarten and most of first-grade before our family moved across town. I watched my father drive away. He had just a few weeks to live. I was sad and crying. The air was a dusky blue color--and darker under all the treetops.
3. The sun never came out today. I am glad. I got to take a Summer Friday today and left work early at 1 pm. I stopped by the store for wine and food. It felt so nice walking up the hill through the bright fog, the wind blowing in my face. I wish it was darker. I wish it was colder. I am well into my first bottle of wine and playing a John Fahey record.
4. A former co-worker I adored is returning to my office Monday to freelance for a month. It's the best news I've heard in a while. It's been over a year since she left. I think I mentioned her several times in this diary. I would always stop and chat with her for a while each day. I look forward to that again.