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...finish last

I talked with R. on the phone today. She turned 28 today. I celebrate her birthday from afar. I am so glad I met her and that she is still somewhere here in my life and that I am still somewhere in her's. We lurk around each other's periphery.

She keeps insisting that I visit her and her husband in Utah this spring. Hmm...maybe, maybe. She wants me to stay at their house. But I think it may be best if I stay at a hotel in SLC. I have never been a comfortable house guest. I have never met her husband. I have no doubt that he is a great guy--which makes me feel guilty as I still lust for R.. It is a hopeless lust that will never be reciprocated, of course. I am no threat to him. No threat at all.

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