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secret penis death ray

I desperately need a physical release for my hatred. I'd like to be alone in a really big room made of brick and concrete with a high ceiling. And there would be all these old chairs, tv's, mirrors--anything that breaks.

And there would be an assortment of bricks, baseball bats, stones--anything used to break things.

And I have free reign to destroy everything in the room. By the time it's over, my feet and hands are bloody.

And then the finale: This room is on the top floor of a very tall building. I tear off all my clothes, set fire to myself, run screaming across the floor, crash through the window, plummet (still screaming) to the busy street below, and slam through the roof of a car occupied by people who really deserve to have that sort of thing happen to them. At least one of them survives and remains conscious long enough to experience the contents of my bowels being released onto his or her face. And then the vehicle explodes.

I somehow barely survive this. I crawl out of the burning vehicle. I am now aware of the scores of people gathered on the sidewalk, recording the scene with their camera phones. I rise and swing my broken and burning arms at them. All of a sudden, people want to give me a lot of room.

The police arrive to find me strangling a man and simultaneously raping his girlfriend. I rise and walk toward the police. The officers draw their sidearms and open fire. I catch many of the bullets in my mouth and swallow them. I turn, bend over, and shoot the bullets out of my ass. It just so happens that I have a fully-automatic rapid-fire asshole and little difficulty in gunning down all the officers, firemen, and paramedics. I pick up a dead cop's firearm. I shoot myself in the head. I fall to the ground and dream for three nights of blue sunsets in bursts of white noise.

Then I fly up to Heaven. Well, not Heaven, really. God and all the angels actually have a base on the moon. I fly up to the moon and confront God. I stab Him repeatedly until He is dead. For seven days and seven nights, I rape, torture, and murder all the angels on the moon. I return to God's decomposing body. I saw off His penis. It's a big penis--about the size of a small tree trunk (and still nearly as hard). I drag God's severed penis across the moon and mount it, like a cannon, on a tripod. I aim God's penis and fire a green death ray at the Earth, destroying the Earth and all life on Earth. I open my mouth and inhale all the planets and stars and all the dark space in the universe--suck it all into my lungs. All that light, matter, and energy create a blue sunset in my lungs. For the first time, I feel at peace. I sleep and dream of white noise. Forever.

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