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pattern sickness

The office reopened today after the holiday break. So, this morning, I rose early and shaved for the first time in nearly two weeks. I was down to my last cheap disposable razor. It was like trying to cut down oak trees with a butter knife.

I spent very little time around other people during the break, so it was overwhelming to suddenly have to experience so much human interaction. They kept asking me about what I did for Christmas and New Year's. And I kept using words like "sedate" and "hibernation". And every time someone wished me "Happy New Year", it caught me off guard and I awkwardly searched my interior database for an appropriate response.

I don't know what to make of the arrival of 2009. I usually set New Year's goals regarding my projects. But I don't spend that much time with my projects anymore. I guess a fine goal would be to try to regain the urgency and enthusiasm I once felt for my after-hours work.

I miss the person I once imagined myself to be. And I'm already sick of the person I have yet to become.

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