2. I haven't spoken with R. in weeks. She called me about a week or so after my last entry. Her ex showed up at the Catholic compound one night and got into her room while she was there. He was drunk and got a little rough, was pushing her around. But she pushed him back and finally persuaded him to leave.

3. I met R. here in the city that following weekend and went with her to help her finish packing up her stuff at the compound. That place is kind of scary at night. It's very isolated. I'm glad she let me stay with her. I don't like the thought of her alone in such an isolated location. I was there for two nights. The first night, I read to her, at bedtime, from her collection of Flannery O'Connor short stories. I slept in a sleeping bag at the foot of her bed. I listened to her toss and turn and breathe in the darkness.

4. Always looking for excuses to touch her, to put my arm around her.

5. I guess it's been about three weeks since I last saw her. We rode BART into the city, then took the Muni underground. She was on her way to church with a friend. She looked so pretty in her lavender dress. We hugged when we arrived at my stop. I left the station and have missed her ever since.

6. She left her voice in my machine a week later, thanking me for staying with her. I returned her call and left my voice in her machine.

7. I don't know where she is. Her cousin helped move her stuff to LA. She had plans to visit Switzerland and possibly Vietnam before returning to SF to search for a room. D. doesn't think R. left the country. But they haven't really been talking. They were planning to share an apartment, but that fell through--and I think they blame each other. I'm not taking sides, because I adore both of them. And I fear they are both drifting away from my existence.

8. I was so thrilled. For a while. I felt almost human.