quiet and further away
I never should have given my mother my work phone number. I think she finds the answering machine in secret motel to be disquieting. She left a message in my voice mail today. I never did return her last call nearly two months ago. I do not look forward to talking with her--or rather, listening to her. I don't want to hear about her latest delusions. And I certainly don't want to hear anything about my grandmother's death.
I dread hearing the voice of any of my blood-relateds. It's always a doom voice that makes me want to curl up in a dark corner and drink myself quiet and further away.