2016-07-10

sunday night of beer and dizzy gillespie

I miss IL so much. It sounds like she is getting on much better in Dallas. She has found a vibrant music scene and lots of people that want to work with her. I am very happy and relieved for her. And I feel so empty without her. There is a Polish Lady (PL) in my office that I've been chatting with a lot lately. She came into the mailroom and chatted with me for over a half-hour last week about books. Nothing turns me on more than women who are into philosophy and literature. She suggested that we hike up to North Beach sometime soon for a bite to eat. That's a very appealing idea. But I hesitate. I'm so tired of falling for someone who doesn't feel the same way about me. And I would feel like I'm "cheating" on IL, even though she has made it clear she doesn't want anything more than platonic friendship with me or anyone else.

I am so sick of being human.